My poem below is critiqued by thinkers of the
Speaking Pen International Concept, SPIC
Family Critiquing Unit
*AFRICAN UNION, CARPENTER YOU'RE NOT*,
by *Creative Thinker*
*AFRICAN UNION, CARPENTER YOU'RE NOT*
I dance yet to dance
To the songs of the unsound drums
To spill the memory of self-containment
Of the African villages
Where Nkrumahism is lost to the wind
Mandalasm, a story told to children
Ghadaafism, the ugliest story told
With our conscience sitting on gossip benches
Calling to ourselves accolades we deserve not
Patting one another for good job done
When our said jobs are mirage
We handshake after casual conversation
And part away in demystified smiles
When our people weep and sleeps on tablet
stomachs,
We have spent dollars, pounds and cedis that
numbers fear counting
Our faith is in a frightful fate
For no fear but shivering
For our days are wasted on wants of the
minority many
Whilst the majority few wonder in woes
That Africa that stood at the battle front
Against black imperialism is a harvested seed
It's lost to glory while we flirt with our Love
Shamefully disgraceful
With corruption as the master key
That unlocks our source of togetherness
With bribery as our door nob to the
boundaries of our villages
Lies as our market goodwill to win customers
Murder as our ladder to greater heights
People of Africa
The African for Africa
Is now myself,
My stomach
Our independence is meaningless?
Yes so!
For we are slaves within our lands
We are bandaged by our brains
Where PHD means Pull Him Down
Where backwards movement is process
We hail and sing
Where heroes and heroines are imprisoned
Where we speak BIG English
With zero practicality to self-develop
I pity myself
I pity this set day
I pity the gossip bench of self
I pity the talk-and-go leaders
We have a dream
Let's water the buried African seed
To see a new generation
Preaching equality and equity
Clapping to songs togetherness
And we shall join the grand dance
To sing home blissful hearts rejoicing
"Our independence is meaningless until it is
linked up to the total liberation of Africa"
Dr Kwame Nkrumah
# African_for_Africa
# CreativeThinker
©Fuseini Dipantiche Mohammed Naporoo
Kamaldeen Shitobu
Creative Thinker
*OVERVIEW*
The CRITICS have this to write:
*Subject matter/Themes*
The poem persona questions the direction
Africa has taken. He questions whether the
vision laid out by - our founding fathers
(Nkrumah; and by African Union Visionaries
(Gaddafi); and by Nelson Mandela(the freedom
advocate)- is being accomplished or not. The
persona thinks non of these tenets are being
met. Infact he thinks we have taken a
destructive path that betrays the very
principles that formed the foundation of the
liberation movement.
The poem persona says:
*"That Africa that stood at the battle front*
*Against black imperialism is a harvested
seed*
*It's lost to glory while we flirt with our Love*
*Shamefully disgraceful.."*
He also declares, in the same vein:
*"People of Africa*
*The African for Africa*
*Is now myself, My stomach*
*Our independence is meaningless?*
*...For we are slaves within our lands..."*
That is a serious indictment on us, the African
citizens.
In describing what has gone wrong the poem,
like many others that have followed this
theme, divides Africa into two groups: the
ruled and the rulers. He says the rulers, in
their pursuit of power, have concentrated on
gossip, self congratulation, sweet talk, empty
promises and amassing wealth through
corruption. This has resulted in the masses
(the ruled) suffering.
However the ruled are also found wanting. The
persona also throws accusations at them:
*"We are bandaged by our brains*
*Where PHD means Pull Him Down*
*Where backwards movement is process*
*We hail and sing*
*Where heroes and heroines are imprisoned*
*Where we speak BIG English*
W*ith zero practicality to self-develop.."*
Here he advocates for a change in our
mindset. Otherwise we will never extricate
ourselves from the hole we find ourselves in.
That's why he pities both the rulers and the
ruled as seen in the last stanza.
*Tone/Mood*
The tone that runs through the whole piece is
that of disillusionment. Where the persona is
disappointed to the point of anger on one
hand and on the other self - pity.
*Diction/ language*
The poem uses everyday words that are easily
comprehended. Such poems easily appeal to
our senses since the message is not hidden
behind huge boulders of jargon. This then
leaves the reader firmly on the path to
enjoying the stylistic devices used.
*Literary Appreciation*
The poem is fairly laced with appropriate
poetic devices that helped paint the image
that correctly elicit the mood the poet
intended in the first place.
Here are some of the devices:
*Stanza 1*
_alliteration - line 1(d), line 3(s), line 6(t), line
12(c)_
_oxymoron - line 2,_
_personification - line 8_
_imagery - line 2, 8, 13, 14, 15_
_anaphora - line 2 and 3_
*Stanza 2*
_alliteration- line 16(f), 17(f), 18(w,m),
19(w)._
_personification - line16, 17_
_oxymoron - line 18, 19_
_metaphor - lime 18, 19_; just to mention but
a few.
*Structure/ Form*
The poem doesn't have a definite stanzaic
pattern. There are two 14 line stanzas and the
rest are uneven.
*Commendation*
The poem dealt with a theme that has recently
gained traction in various poetic discourses -
disillusionment with the current African
political trajectory. However this poem went
further, it broadened the theme and made us
see another context that many who trudge
through this way rarely touch.
*Recommendation*
Check _'door nob'_, it should probably be
_door knob_; _Ghadaafism_ is probably
_Gaddafism_. Also note that the run on line
should always begin with a small letter, it
shows a connection to the preceding line.
The poem above was a written and published
on the AU Day and it has been explicitly
critiqued by the SPIC Family Critiquing Unit.
Bravo to them.